*snort*

Mar. 30th, 2010 08:54 pm
uberniftacular: (Alan Davies calls bullshit)
"Utter arse of the highest order."

This may be my new favorite phrase.
uberniftacular: (Default)
I withdraw my pachyderm.

(oh god, show, why must you be so hilarious?)

(...why yes, I am liveblogging watching QI on Megavideo)
uberniftacular: (Default)
"Beer helmet of intellect. Wait, that's an oxymoron."

"It looks like a giant ninja playroom."

"It's a ninja lair."
"...It's a rat maze."
"Oh no! The boss here is gonna be a high-level psychologist."

"There are ninjas all over the place."
"You haven't seen any recently."
"EXACTLY."

"What is your name, good sir?"
"...Joe!"

"Ow. He stabbed me so hard I'm stupid."

*snort*

Jun. 26th, 2009 05:04 pm
uberniftacular: (Default)
"Mmm, appendix in a dress. I'm not sure if that's creepy, funny, or a good band name."
uberniftacular: (Default)
"...Did you just create an illithid with an allergy to brains?"

"I will be an astronaut illithid, dangit"

"I'm not a wagon."

"The bird explodes."

"My feet are different from your feet."

We are, apparently, not as funny without our resident actor.
uberniftacular: (Default)
"Zombie ten-foot poles. They're made out of organic material..."
uberniftacular: (Default)
biochem today:

"What are the symptoms of scurvy?"
"Pirates!"
uberniftacular: (Default)
Oh Star Trek, how I love you so.

And I quote:

"It feels like we're being pecked to death by ducks."
uberniftacular: (Default)
Just a brief thing about the most recent entry of Numb3rs, because this was funny as hell and I felt the need to record it.

"Boys, do I have to pull the math car over?"
- Larry Fleinhardt, Numb3rs 5x11 "Frienemies"
uberniftacular: (Default)
I feel the need to share this. Because R.A. Salvatore is awesome on so many levels now.

"By being polymorphed into a rabbit?" asked Regis.
"At least they can't hurt anyone in that state," said Bidderdoo.
"Except for that one," Harkle corrected. "The one with the big teeth, who could jump so high!"
"Ah, him," Bidderdoo agreed. "That rabbit was smokepowder! It seemed as if he was possessed of the edge of a vorpal weapon, that one, giving nasty bites!"


R.A. Salvatore, The Pirate King, page 81

Monty Python anyone?
uberniftacular: (Default)
"Did the primary buffer panel just fall off my gorram ship for no apparent reason?"

this movie is made of win. 5 points to the first person to identify the source of the quote. and possibly e-cookies.
uberniftacular: (Default)
CSI quote of the day:

"Sunspots don't have directionality, Danny."
uberniftacular: (Default)
There are three things I've learned not to discuss with other people: religion, politics, and the Great Pumpkin.
uberniftacular: (Default)
"Conspiracy to commit rhinoslaughter."

"Those are shiny."
"Successful spot check, ladies and gentlemen."

"Larprosy!"

"And now we wait for the stone wall to burn down."

"You can't say I tried..."

"Quat. This is the past tense of quit, for your information."

"If you fell into a bottomless pit, you'd die of hydration."

"62 points of damage? Give the man his blood spray."

"Ooh, a vegan 20!"

"I have anti-mind."
"If you combine that with mind, it could destroy the universe."
"Nobody think too hard at me."

"In addition to being Mom, you are now also pinata."

"It's a very dapper cube...it's got a top hat and a monocle!"

"Retribution in the cube damage."

"Retributive Protoplasm would be a good name for a band."

"Damn commie lizardfolk!"
uberniftacular: (Default)
"We're lost? Let's make a signal." *Lights entire forest on fire*

"Col. Ignus's finger-lickin' good fried kenku."

"Are there any turkeys? Or rabbits? Or deer?"
"Are you sure you want to fight a deer?"
This is funny because Tom got killed by a deer in a previous campaign...

"They were trying to cast chill metal on him."
"Codpiece?"

"He takes six points of bear-in-the-face damage."

"Are any of them particularly flammable? For example, is one covered in straw and beer or something?"
"No, that would be me."

"I bet the druids have knowledge(nature)."
"No, why would druids have that?"
"I bet they have knowledge(civil engineering), though."

"I pull out my swooooooooooord."

"The top is higher than we thought it were."

"I stand in the middle of the path. No I don't. Yes I do."

"You're gonna cast light on them?"
"No, I'm gonna cast hurt on them."

"Dammit, I need a spell that damages only misunderstood creatures."

"Yes, but this is Hollywood D&D...blood splatters."

"I wanna trip the corpse."
"Roll to hit."
uberniftacular: (Default)
"I have four chickens on a stick!"

"I can sell bits of evil."

"It's like a big burst of shiny."

"I'm going to have kenku up my arse."

"If there were more than one people right there..."

"Why would you use augury in the middle of battle?"
"To ask the gods how you mine for fish."

"While I'm still being partially defensive, I do a little turtle dance."

...guess we're less funny than usual tonight. Oh well.
uberniftacular: (Default)
"It all makes sense now. We're all porpoises, and this is porpoise hell. We have to be porpoises, because if we were ducks, things would be a lot more yellow."

"You could put a tail on a sea monkey...that's scaly...wait, they already have tails, don't they?"

"How much does 100 pounds of rope weigh?"

"The gelatinous cube takes 10 points of scooping damage."

"I blew up lightning with fire. That's pretty badass."

"That's one hell of a mighty table!"

"So if you set the fire on table..."

"The question is, can fire take table damage?"

"I take out my spade and beat the banner to death."

"I roll retribution in the table damage."

"I hit escape."
"I'm sorry, there's no escape."
uberniftacular: (Default)
"You are NOT throwing my fortitude save across the ocean!"

"That almost makes my spell usef...well, no, my save is 12."
"You can affect other barbarians!"

"You know what we need? Some raspberry jam..." (confused looks)
"It's okay, I think I know what he's got in mind."

"If only bananas were lethal."
"Sometimes they have tarantulas..."
"Which he currently has in his pants..."
"OMG get them out!"

"Why is he carrying bananas into battle?"
"Because bananas are good, you banana heretic you!"

"You miss a hypnotized, naked gnoll. Congratulations."

"Plus two!"

"Shut up or I'll eat a banana!"

"8 points of un-damage."

"Do rags automatically miss their reflex save?"
"Yeah, especially when they're soaked with ale."

"I cast disguise self on...my...self. Because I can't cast it on anyone else."

"It wouldn't really explode, it would just burn."
"It's pirate ale, it explodes!"

"We need a siege crossbow."
"That would be a ballista."

"That's why they call this Dungeons and Dragons."
"Well this is open wilderness and dragons."
"Actually, this is open wilderness and gnolls."
"And bananas!"

"Why would they come here? Everyone knows there's no money in Michigan."
"There's still crack whores."

"Retribution in the face damage."

"We got distracted by Jupiter. I apologize."

"I'm summoning an army of holy monkeys! ...The only way this could be more in my idiom is if they were on fire!"

"...because monkeys are monkeys."

"Well guys...should I use fire, or should I hit it with my sling?"

"I will shake my disc at you."

"There's 4 gnolls outside the ship."
"What are they doing?"
"Gnolling."

"So what are you guys doing?"
"We're arming the monkeys!"

"Heavily armed monkeys on hovercrafts!"

"This has got to be some sort of apocalyptic thing...heavenly monkeys on hovercraft..."

"Suicide bombing hovermonkeys!"

"Okay, one of the monkeys is taking two-weapon fighting..."

"I have more spell points than he does!"
"After I created an apocalyptic army of death monkeys, yes."

"Power flirting!"

"Dammit, I want to use my apocalyptic swarm of death monkeys!"

"Bros before hos, man...that's the gnoll code now."

"It's made of force...and win."

"If I die, I'm going to play a warforged."
"No you're not."

"This is the first time I've ever actually seen a die confiscated from the DM for rolling too well."

(as the pirate ship is shooting cannons at us) "That was entirely uncalled for! We just wanted to sell you some encyclopedias!"

"He's wielding a +6 shield of backstory."

"Who's attacking me?"
"The lone ranger."

"Don't smite with a 3, that is an insufficient smite."

"Failed reflex save."
"Successful damage."

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