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joke time! Betsy knows this one already
Mar. 24th, 2004 08:41 pmOnce upon a time, there was this boy that loved streetcars. When he was little, all he ever played with were toy streetcars, and all he wanted to do when he grew up was to become a streetcar conductor.
He grew up, went to conductor school for two years after high school, and got his conductor's license.
His first day on the job, he was really excited to be there and was really happy. He was having so much fun, ringing the bell, waving at all the old ladies...
at the end of the day, he dropped off all his passengers and started to head back to the streetcar garage. At the top of a hill, he stopped. There was a man walking across the tracks at the bottom of the hill. So the conductor looks around to make sure nobody was looking, and released the brake.
The guy that had been crossing the tracks died, so the conductor went on trial. His trial took two weeks, but eventually he was sentenced to death by electric chair.
The day scheduled for his execution, the prison warden asked him what he wanted for his last meal, and he replied, "Well, I'd like some steak and mashed potatoes. Oh, and a blue apple." The warden said, "there's no such thing as a blue apple" and the conductor replied, "yes there is, they grow in South America. Have somebody drive down there and get me one." The warden was skeptical, but he knew he had to give the conductor what he requested for his last meal, so he got it for him.
Then it was time for the execution. They strap the conductor into the chair and turn on the current. Five minutes later, they turn it off, and the conductor's still alive. They want to try it again, but they knew that you can't be killed twice for the same crime, so they had to let him go.
When he got out, he moved to another city so he could still drive a streetcar. The day he got there, he was really excited to be working again and was really happy. He was having so much fun, ringing the bell, waving at all the old ladies...
at the end of the day, he dropped off all his passengers and started to head back to the streetcar garage. At the top of a hill, he stopped. There was a family walking across the tracks at the bottom of the hill. So the conductor looks around to make sure nobody was looking, and released the brake.
The whole family that had been walking across the trackes died, so the conductor went on trial. His trial took only two days this time, but eventually he was sentenced to death by electric chair.
The day scheduled for his execution, the prison warden asked him what he wanted for his last meal, and he replied, "Well, I'd like some steak and mashed potatoes. Oh, and a blue apple." The warden said, "there's no such thing as a blue apple" and the conductor replied, "yes there is, they grow in South America. Have somebody drive down there and get me one." The warden was skeptical, but he knew he had to give the conductor what he requested for his last meal, so he got it for him.
Then it was time for the execution. They strap the conductor into the chair and turn on the current. An hour later, they turn it off, and the conductor's still alive. They want to try it again, but they knew that you can't be killed twice for the same crime, so they had to let him go.
When he got out, his conductor's license in California ahd been revoked, so he moved to New York City so he could still work. The day he got there, he was really excited to be working again and was really happy. He was having so much fun, ringing the bell, waving at all the old ladies...
at the end of the day, he dropped off all his passengers and started to head back to the streetcar garage. At the top of a hill, he stopped. Standing on the tracks at the bottom of the hill were about 100 people in line to audition for American Idol. So the conductor looks around to make sure nobody was looking, and released the brake.
All these people died, so the conductor went on trial. This time, his trial only took an hour because they'd already heard of the other people he'd killed, but the result was the same. He was sentenced to death by electric chair.
The day scheduled for his execution, he went through the whole episode with the prison warden about the blue apple, with the same results. He ate his steak and mashed potatoes and blue apple and was satisfied.
Then it was time for the execution. By this point, the conductor's crimes were so famous that the President was there to watch the execution. the executioner strapped the conductor into the chair, and then said "this time we're going to kill him for real," and they left the chair on for a full 24 hours. When they turned it off, the conductor was still alive. The President turned to him and asked, "why don't you die when we try to execute you?"
"Well, I guess I'm just a bad conductor."
He grew up, went to conductor school for two years after high school, and got his conductor's license.
His first day on the job, he was really excited to be there and was really happy. He was having so much fun, ringing the bell, waving at all the old ladies...
at the end of the day, he dropped off all his passengers and started to head back to the streetcar garage. At the top of a hill, he stopped. There was a man walking across the tracks at the bottom of the hill. So the conductor looks around to make sure nobody was looking, and released the brake.
The guy that had been crossing the tracks died, so the conductor went on trial. His trial took two weeks, but eventually he was sentenced to death by electric chair.
The day scheduled for his execution, the prison warden asked him what he wanted for his last meal, and he replied, "Well, I'd like some steak and mashed potatoes. Oh, and a blue apple." The warden said, "there's no such thing as a blue apple" and the conductor replied, "yes there is, they grow in South America. Have somebody drive down there and get me one." The warden was skeptical, but he knew he had to give the conductor what he requested for his last meal, so he got it for him.
Then it was time for the execution. They strap the conductor into the chair and turn on the current. Five minutes later, they turn it off, and the conductor's still alive. They want to try it again, but they knew that you can't be killed twice for the same crime, so they had to let him go.
When he got out, he moved to another city so he could still drive a streetcar. The day he got there, he was really excited to be working again and was really happy. He was having so much fun, ringing the bell, waving at all the old ladies...
at the end of the day, he dropped off all his passengers and started to head back to the streetcar garage. At the top of a hill, he stopped. There was a family walking across the tracks at the bottom of the hill. So the conductor looks around to make sure nobody was looking, and released the brake.
The whole family that had been walking across the trackes died, so the conductor went on trial. His trial took only two days this time, but eventually he was sentenced to death by electric chair.
The day scheduled for his execution, the prison warden asked him what he wanted for his last meal, and he replied, "Well, I'd like some steak and mashed potatoes. Oh, and a blue apple." The warden said, "there's no such thing as a blue apple" and the conductor replied, "yes there is, they grow in South America. Have somebody drive down there and get me one." The warden was skeptical, but he knew he had to give the conductor what he requested for his last meal, so he got it for him.
Then it was time for the execution. They strap the conductor into the chair and turn on the current. An hour later, they turn it off, and the conductor's still alive. They want to try it again, but they knew that you can't be killed twice for the same crime, so they had to let him go.
When he got out, his conductor's license in California ahd been revoked, so he moved to New York City so he could still work. The day he got there, he was really excited to be working again and was really happy. He was having so much fun, ringing the bell, waving at all the old ladies...
at the end of the day, he dropped off all his passengers and started to head back to the streetcar garage. At the top of a hill, he stopped. Standing on the tracks at the bottom of the hill were about 100 people in line to audition for American Idol. So the conductor looks around to make sure nobody was looking, and released the brake.
All these people died, so the conductor went on trial. This time, his trial only took an hour because they'd already heard of the other people he'd killed, but the result was the same. He was sentenced to death by electric chair.
The day scheduled for his execution, he went through the whole episode with the prison warden about the blue apple, with the same results. He ate his steak and mashed potatoes and blue apple and was satisfied.
Then it was time for the execution. By this point, the conductor's crimes were so famous that the President was there to watch the execution. the executioner strapped the conductor into the chair, and then said "this time we're going to kill him for real," and they left the chair on for a full 24 hours. When they turned it off, the conductor was still alive. The President turned to him and asked, "why don't you die when we try to execute you?"
"Well, I guess I'm just a bad conductor."
