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yesterday was...an interesting day. went to church (for the first time since Christmas) in Rochester for Amanda's baptism/confirmation. dinner before church was pretty fun...I ended up at the end of the table with Manda's dad and uncle, who just so happen to be D&D players...so I spent more time during dinner talking about D&D than I actually spent eating.

church was kind of a different story. I'm very happy for Amanda, don't get me wrong...in a way, I wish I was as sure as she is about where to go in life like that. it's just that when I stepped into that church last night...I felt extremely awkward. And that was just the beginning. The whoe time I was there, something just felt...wrong. Like I didn't really belong there or something. It all just felt...off. Uncomfortable.

I don't have any idea why it feels so off...I kinda wish I knew...I mean, it just feels strange, that being in church should feel so wrong. I just wish I knew what I'm doing, I guess.

Had kind of a long conversation with Tom about this earlier today, made me feel a bit better I guess. That's what I like about talking to Tom...we always end up talking about serious stuff, but (unlike usually) I never end up feeling like I don't know what I'm talking about or whatever.

Also had a 2-hour phone conversation with Bry today, which was fun...I haven't talked on the phone for that long in absolutely ages. It was pretty fun.

Two weeks from tomorrow is my last exam. That's very exciting.

quotes of yesterday:
"I was sneak attacked by a nun!"
"That's not drowning in sewage water music"
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I haven't updated for real in a while, figured it might be a good idea. Dunno if there's really much that anybody's going to care about, but I may as well write anyway. Wednesday was fun, got to see a bunch of people I haven't seen in a while, I'll be back at the high school again the last day before Christmas break. And maybe I'll visit the band room sometime between now and then too.

Thursday = Thanksgiving. Yay food. Yay grandparents.

Friday...Rachel's party. Fun stuff.

Yesterday was decent for a while, then got crappy, then people left and it was sort of okay again. Highlights of D&D: casting magic missile at the wind and using a ghost sound spell to make human noises.

Manda has been over every day this weekend, which was kinda cool. She came to church with us this morning too...apparently she's going through the RCIA program at the church at OU.

I guess that was a little weird, since today was the first time I've been to church in over a month now...I dunno, I'm back for Advent and Christmas, then I'm probably not going to go again until Easter. Just cuz...I dunno...I guess it just hasn't really felt right there for a while...*shrug* I really don't think I can talk about this right now...
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had a pretty tense conversation with Bry last night. but we're okay now. I think? or better, at least.

no bio lab today, so I've got no place to be until 1pm. so I'm sitting in the library. probably gonna start writing my history paper sometime.

Katelyn's party Friday night. should be...interesting.

Saturday's gonna be a busy day. work in the morning, maybe running to the school right afterwards to take pictures of everyone in their costumes (unless other people would like to be lovely people and take pictures and send them to me?) D&D at 2 at Loren's house (I might be late, cuz it would make more sense to carpool with Bry, and who knows when he's gonna get out of work...) then Halloween bonfire at 5.

going to Roger's church on Sunday morning. then Mum and Dad and Eric are going to Lansing. leaving me home with Rachel, which might be a bad idea. but hopefully I'll be able to do some homework somewhere in there, since I'll almost have the house to myself.

I kind of want it to be tomorrow already.

old stuff

Dec. 8th, 2004 09:06 pm
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This is something I wrote in here in March...and it still holds true, actually.

"another thing that I've been spending a lot of time contemplating is religion. I mean, I've been raised Catholic, but I really don't know about it anymore. I believe in most of the teachings, but it's just so rigid and uptight most of the time. I listen to other people talking about enjoying church and how they've got such a close relationship with God and stuff...and I just don't see how I could ever have that. church is so boring for me, I mainly spend most of the time daydreaming and stuff...it's so routine at this point that it doesn't really mean anything anymore. and that worries me. I've thought lately about not being Catholic anymore, maybe going to a different church...but I've never really said anything about it because I don't know how my parents would react, and hurting them is the last thing in the world that I'd want to do. and if I were to say something about it, I don't even know which parent I would tell first. see, Mum usually tends to be the more open-minded of the two, but then again, she was born and raised Catholic. Dad, on the other hand, converted to Catholicism before he married Mum...but it seems that a lot of the time, people who convert to a religion are stronger in it than people that were raised to it. so I don't know."

I've been thinking about this quite a bit lately. I just...have no idea what to believe anymore. At all. I'm sort of trying to...soul-search, I guess you could say. And it's accomplishing nothing other than make myself even more confuzzled than I already was.

I wish I knew what to do. I mean, I've gotten to the point where I'm beginning to almost dread going to church each week, because I get absolutely nothing out of it, except getting bored. Frankly, I've never liked going to church; when I was little, I seriously used to have huge fights with my parents because I didn't want to go. And now...I still don't really want to go.

Honestly, I think I've actually enjoyed going to church twice ever. The first time was the youth service I went to at DUMC last spring. The second time was the ecumenical service a couple weeks ago. That, combined with the fact that I've been having doubts, makes me wonder if maybe being Catholic isn't the way to go for me. But I wouldn't even know where to start if I were to try to find another religion.

I have no idea what I'm doing. Or even why I keep typing this, because I don't actually know what I'm trying to say anymore.

rock on.

Nov. 29th, 2004 08:52 pm
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Yep. This weekend was completely awesome, starting with Wednesday evening. Actually, Wednesday 5th hour even...yeah yeah, I know, that's not technically part of the weekend, but still. It was the start of all the fun. Bry and I were ridiculously goofy, I'm still trying to figure out why. I know I was in a childish mood, so that helped things. So we just goofed around all class, which was okay since we didn't do anything anyway.

Wednesday evening was the ecumenical service at my church, which I enjoyed (and actually wasn't bored, which is a plus). And afterwards I was hanging out with Roger, Teresa, Steph, Anna, and Ian, in various combinations, for about an hour, which led to much hilarity and hyperness. Ian must come to my Christmas party. He needs to meet more of my friends. We frightened his mother a bit, actually...because apparently me, Anna, and Eric are all a lot like Ian (which was brought up by my mentioning that Jonathan is a lot like Ian, which is frightening enough in itself). And we decided that part of the reason Teresa is as goofy as she is is because she babysat Ian a couple times when he was younger.

Thursday was Thanksgiving, obviously. We went over to my grandparents' house. A bunch of my dad's cousins were there, and mercifully, the Michalek kids were there too. So I was saved from being totally bored for most of the time, though the Michaleks left about an hour and a half before we did, so I retreated upstairs with my book, music, and brother, and we hid from the boringness of the relatives.

Thursday night after we got home, we decided we'd play a game of Monopoly, which we haven't done in ages. Rachel played for like the first time...it was interesting. Very quickly, we decided that God was laughing at us, though. Rachel landed on Free Parking (and got lots of money for it...yeah, I know it's not in the real rules, but still. whatever) three times in a row, which was ridiculous. We figured it was beginner's luck or something. And then Dad, who was the richest player in the game, landed on it three times in a row. So we decided God was laughing at us. The other time it was creepy was when Eric rolled doubles and landed on the "Go to Jail" space, rolled doubles immediately and got out, and then his very next roll was doubles again, sending him straight back into jail. Anyway, Mum lost really quickly, and when she did, Dad and Rachel were really rich, and Eric and I were kinda just...middle-class, I guess. So I proposed a business partnership with Eric, which we thought was a great idea until Dad and Rachel teamed up against us. For a while it was going kinda badly for us, but then somehow we managed to get hotels on all of our properties and send Dad and Rachel into bankruptcy. I guess the whole point of this gigantic description is, that's the first time I've ever played a game of Monopoly to its end, and we had fun doing it.

Friday, Laura came over so we could "work on our Civil War project." Translation: we worked for about an hour, then goofed off the rest of the time. Bryant came over for a while and hung out (he brought candy, I might add...), so that was really awesome (and, coincidentally, I had just put up the mistletoe a couple hours before...). Laura and I went shopping in the evening for Christmas gifts...it was fun just having some girl time for once.

Friday was also awesome for one gigantic reason...I got a letter from UM/F saying that I got the full-ride scholarship! The gigantic one that even has a $600/year book allowance. So I'm super-happy about that, since it means that I may actually be able to move out of my parents' house before I graduate from college. And I might even have a car too.

Saturday...heck, I can't even remember what I did most of Saturday. I did housework in the morning, then there's a couple hours in the afternoon where I don't remember at all what I did. In the evening, I went over to Bry's house for a while (Rob and Laura called us, oddly enough...they are stalking us, I swear) and then we went to see "National Treasure." Good movie. I highly recommend it. Especially if you like Indiana Jones, because it's got that sort of feel to it.

Sunday was kinda like a normal Sunday, really. I went to church, out to dinner with my family, then came home and did a bit of housework and some homework. Then I got kinda bored, so I went over to Bry's house again. He and Craig were playing Halo, so I just watched over their shoulders for a while.

Yeah. All in all, a pretty good weekend. And yes, I am done typing now.
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This weekend was great.

Friday night game...unfortunately we won, but it was freaking sweet to march in costumes. Liz and I kinda matched, unintentionally. That was fun. All the seniors got to sit right behind the drumline again, which was relatively fun. I like sitting with just the seniors...nothing against everyone else, of course...it's just that I feel like I hardly know the other band seniors at all, so it's kinda cool to spend some time with them. Derrick was being ridiculous, though...which I don't understand, since last week he was actually being decent...whatever.

After the game I went to Archie's and sat with Knuuti, Rachel Yoder, and, unfortunately, my sister. With both Rachels at the table, there was no quiet whatsoever. Once Bry got off work for the evening, we hung out for a little while.

Saturday I worked...it's amazing, I actually managed 2 weeks in a row where I actually worked all my hours. It's a wonderful thing. After work I had dinner with my family - an actual quasi-fancy dinner. It was interesting (we made pumpkin stew...Eric's idea...). After dinner, Bry came over for a while and we snuggled on the couch (discovered a couple new things, yay...not only new and interesting, but also something we can do without me feeling like my mother would kill me if she ever found out). Went and saw "Team America," which royally sucked. After the movie, we sat downtown for a little while, then he took me home. We spent like 20 minutes standing on my porch saying goodbye. That's probably one of the hardest goodbyes I've ever had to say.

Sunday I wrote my reflection paper, went to church as usual, then went out to dinner with my family (sans Dad, because he wasn't feeling well). After dinner, I did some shopping for awards night, then came home and did some housework. Around 5:30, Bry came over, and we got to go trick-or-treating. We got to like 7 houses, then gave up and went to Kessel's to buy candy and cake. When we got home from Kessel's, Eric handed me a rock when I walked in the door (because he was the one giving out candy this year)...so I can honestly say I got a rock for Halloween. Bry and I took over the chair in the computer room, and ended up sitting there cuddling for like 2 hours, which was awesome. I was in total sensory overload, but we're not gonna get into that. Around 9, Bry decided he should probably go home before my mother kicked him out, but I managed to hold him hostage for about half an hour...hee hee hee.

So yeah. I had an awesome-tacular weekend.
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I went and played in the rain, and I feel better now. I am also dripping, due to my hair having absorbed insane quantities of water.

open houses have basically been my life for the past couple days. yeah, spent 10 and a half hours yesterday going to various open houses, namely Zach's, Michelle's, Beth's, and then Greg's. yeah. those were fun. At Greg's, I "learned" to play Halo (translation: I had a controller dropped in my lap and was given the direction "just push random buttons"), which was a bit of an adventure. another adventure was trying to learn badminton...at Michelle's and then at Greg's.

Katie's was today, that was fun as well.

I've spent so much time in the past couple days hanging out with Roger and Greg and Zach and Katie...seems like they're everywhere I go. fun stuff.

so at church today there was a guy that looked distractingly like Orlando Bloom. good stuff, right? wrong. it sucks when the only cute guy in the entire church is training to become a priest.
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well, so far this weekend has consisted mainly of 2 things: English and church. yeah, I went to church twice this weekend...last night the contemporary choir was singing 4:30 mass at our church so I had to go to that one. there was definitely a tornado warning while we were in church. well, pretty good place to be I guess. after church, as usual, we spent forever talking to various people from the choir. it was kinda funny when we were finally ready to leave though, cuz Eric and I were talking to Ian; he and his mum were ready to leave too, so we all walked out to our respective vehicles together. I can't remember what we were even talking about now, but Ian and I practically got left behind because we wouldn't shut up. seriously. it was funny though.

I went to KT's church this morning for their youth service. it was pretty cool. definitely the first time in years, if not the first time ever, that I've actually had fun during church. KT's preaching was awesome, the music was great, the people there are so friendly...all in all a good time. and it was cool just to be able to experience something different from what I'm used to.

*sigh* back to the English project now.
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so my brother's confirmation was this evening...I swear I've never had to sit through a longer mass in my life. ah well, sitting across from the choir helps, really. Ian is my comic relief...kept me from being completely bored out of my wits. like when a baby started crying in the back of the church, he looked over at me and mouthed "what'd you do?" like it was my fault or something. that kid makes me smile.

apparently Loren's government class thinks I'm a prude...which is kinda funny but kinda depressing at the same time. I'll post the convo later if I remember, it's on the other computer.

it's way too warm in this house.
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I am now the proud owner of a stuffed Killer Rabbit...it's the coolest thing I've ever seen in my entire life.

so of course I had to take it to church and taunt Ian with it...which worked pretty well until Joey decided to try to steal it. then people stole it back and forth until I finally got it back...and resumed taunting people. it was grand.

I desperately need to find a prom dress. and a date.
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OMG "Mousetrap" was so ├╝bercool! I'm not gonna tell ya who did it, you'll have to just go see it for yourself sometime. but it was very nifty.

and I loved how the policeman was so obviously from Liverpool. I can't usually tell what part of Britain most accents are from, but Liverpool is so obvious.

aie. so much church in such a short amount of time. my brother and dad are going to church tonight for Easter vigil (Dad's playing in the choir and Eric is serving) and then we're going to 2 masses tomorrow (at 10 because Eric and Dad are playing, and at noon because mum and Rachel are singing and Eric is playing).

and we went to church on Thursday too (for Holy Thursday mass because it's a holy day of obligation (and yet I can only recall having gone to 2 Holy Thursday masses ever) and because Mum was singing and Eric was playing).

it was kinda funny on Thursday though...after mass I was helping the choir move music stands and chairs and stuff as usual, then we ended up standing in the choir room and talking to Ian's family for like 15 minutes like we always do. and Ian and I were poking my sister with sticks, lol...because he'd been poking her just to be irritating, and I was like "no, it's so much more fun this way" and I pulled one of the chopsticks out of my hair and started poking Rachel with it. Ian stood there contemplating for a minute, then grabbed the other chopstick from my hair and started poking Rachel. it was insanely funny.

that kid makes me laugh. he's so...quirky.

so mass tomorrow will be my last human contact for a week...unless Loren comes over to play DDR. I never get to see people when I'm on vacation. I need to remedy that.
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If an oboe is a duck and a bassoon is a bass duck, would an English horn be an alto duck or a tenor duck?

yeah, this is the stuff I get talking about at church...Ian is way too much fun to talk to. that kid makes me happy.

Seriously, after church today, we spent like 10 minutes talking about how weird my sister is and her random subject changes, as well as band stuff.

and we were discussing varsity jackets, and he jokingly said he wanted a Davison varsity jacket. and he goes to school in Goodrich. that would be very funny.

went to Frankenmuth this afternoon, that was fun. got to eat at Zehnders, yummmm....

and that's really about all I did today.

church was...well, church. it's so routine, it drives me absolutely batty sometimes. I actually paid attention during the whole sermon today, which is a miracle, but I rather wished I hadn't, as I got absolutely nothing out of it. bah. I just don't know anymore.

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