Criminal Minds CRACK
Dec. 30th, 2008 10:43 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
uberniftacularSo Kirsten came over last night and we watched Criminal Minds. And there was hilarity. Which turned into a serious AU crack!fic idea. And required the use of the Shenanigans icon.
The general idea: the Criminal Minds team is totally like a family. So. What if they really were a family? A foster family, at least.
What we've got here is a general background of what they'd be like in high school. The assumption here is that they go to a small enough school that 7th and 8th grade is included with the high school, so that JJ is in the same school building as the rest of them.
The Criminal Minds Family High School Alternate Universe
Hotch:
- Mom! A.k.a. Mama Bear.
- totally a soccer mom – drives a van
- bakes cookies while wearing a pink frilly apron and oven mitts
- gardens while wearing pink floral gardening gloves, during which he kneels on a pink gardening mat (doesn’t want to get those suits dirty) – mat and gloves were a Mother’s Day gift from Garcia
- wears flannel pajamas that look like a suit (seriously. He just can’t be without those suits.)
- the disciplinarian parent
- irons the kids’ clothes on the plane
Gideon
- real Dad
- walked out on the family. Reid was the only one he told, making the other kids really not pleased with him.
Rossi
- stepdad by arranged marriage. The marriage was arranged by Yente Robot Bitch Queen, a.k.a. Section Chief Erin Strauss.
- started off with absolutely HORRIBLE fashion sense, but now that Hotch dresses him, he looks a lot better
- the kids didn’t like him at first (the expected resentment because he’s replacing Real Dad), but they’re starting to get used to him.
- an emotionally absent parent
Elle
- the oldest sister, she’s off at college, and doesn’t call or write.
- highly independent
- now that she’s out of the foster system, she just doesn’t bother contacting the family anymore
Morgan
- a senior, the captain of the football team. Plays whatever position allows him to tackle people A LOT.
- very popular; has a string of girlfriends who never stick around long.
- the most well-dressed family member
- is totally embarrassed by the fact that his 12-year-old brother is graduating with him, and gets better grades than him too.
- SQUIGGLY EYEBROWS!
- Garcia is his favorite sibling
- shares a room with Reid
- protective of all his siblings, Reid and Garcia most of all, but tries to pretend he isn’t
- is going to college on a football scholarship
Prentiss
- a junior
- the most closed-off of the siblings
- a member of the book club (favorite author: Vonnegut)
- has a small group of friends, but isn’t super popular
- independent
- is a good student, gets all A’s
Garcia
- freshman
- gamer geek – member of the computer club, also hangs out with the theater kids
- gets picked on a little, but can generally take care of it herself, because she’s got the Power of Snark
- will NOT let Mom dress her, no matter how much Mom tries
- shares a room with JJ; her room is the shiny happy side, full of fluffy stuff and glow-in-the-dark things
- keeps a journal with a fuzzy pink cover
- is a decent student – gets mostly A’s and B’s, though she gets the occasional C (which Hotch is NEVER pleased about)
- everyone in school knows who she is
- JJ and Morgan are her best friends
JJ
- 8th grade
- on the soccer team
- the whole family goes to her games – she pretends she’s embarrassed, but secretly she’s pleased
- her side of the room is generally organized – has her soccer trophies and other awards on display (partially because she wants them up, and partially because Hotch is a Proud Mommy)
- an A-B student
- popular. VERY good with people – she’s the nice popular kid, the one that tries to get the snotty popular ones to not pick on people
- plays oboe, but will probably drop band when she gets into high school
- member of the middle school student government
- not really a big reader
Reid
- 12-year-old high school senior, the baby of the family
- wears a lot of the family’s hand-me-down clothes. When he does go shopping, Hotch lets him pick out his own clothes…and then stares in horror. o.O
- wears footie pajamas and sleeps with a teddy bear. It just sits on his pillow, honest!
- his side of the room is covered in piles of books, and he totally flips out if Morgan messes up the book piles
- gets picked on a lot, though Morgan tries to protect him a lot of the time
- has very few friends outside of the family. He has a lot of study buddies, though most of them are actually just using him for his brain.
- was very close to Gideon, though was also one of the first of the kids to accept Rossi
- needs cuddles, but has personal space issues
- visits Diana (his birth!mom, who’s committed because she has schizophrenia) somewhat regularly, though he doesn’t really want to go (but won’t admit it to the family)
- sometimes acts kinda recklessly, because he looks up to Morgan and the parents and wants to be like them.
- in the family, he’s closest to his sisters, especially JJ. They tell him all their secrets, and he lets them braid his hair (at which point Morgan takes pictures and laughs hysterically)
- wears his emotions on his sleeve
- member of the chess club – and rocks at it because Gideon taught him to play
- is probably going to be valedictorian of the senior class, at which point he’ll probably make a very long and rambling speech that will greatly embarrass Morgan
A note here: All the kids (with the possible exception of JJ) have parent issues in canon anyway. Case in point:
Elle's dad died when she was a kid. He was in the military or something.
Morgan's dad died in the line of duty when he was young.
Prentiss has serious Mommy Issues.
Garcia's parents died in a car crash when she was 18.
Reid. Oh, Reid. His mom is schizophrenic. And there are serious Daddy Issues...his real dad walked out on them when he was 10. And then Gideon (read: new!Dad) walked out too.
Kirsten, my dear co-writer and fellow insane person, I believe we need to dialogue on some stuff about this. For example:
If they're in high school, what year does that make this? Like...1982?
What kind of music do they all listen to? Reid definitely listens to jazz (it's canon! In one of the books he was listening to Miles Davis. Which was a little freaky when I was reading it...because I was listening to the same Miles Davis album as he was. Weird.), but what do the rest of them listen to?
I can see some of them reading magazines. This observation was made when I was shelving magazines at work tonight...and I had to wonder, does Hotch read "Better Homes & Gardens"? Or possibly "Ladies' Home Journal"?
And we were kinda close on the whole...ages of the characters thing. Actors' ages:
Elle: 37
Morgan: 38
Prentiss: 39
Garcia: 36
JJ: 30
Reid: 28
So, there's a bit of a gap, and Prentiss is actually older than Morgan and Elle is younger, but in general we guessed pretty well. Ish. We were right about JJ and Reid, anyway. And we knew that Elle and Morgan and Prentiss were close in age. And that Garcia is in the middle.
...The rambling caused by having had only 3 hours of sleep should end now, I think.
Oh! And dialogue on whatever else you can think of.
The general idea: the Criminal Minds team is totally like a family. So. What if they really were a family? A foster family, at least.
What we've got here is a general background of what they'd be like in high school. The assumption here is that they go to a small enough school that 7th and 8th grade is included with the high school, so that JJ is in the same school building as the rest of them.
The Criminal Minds Family High School Alternate Universe
Hotch:
- Mom! A.k.a. Mama Bear.
- totally a soccer mom – drives a van
- bakes cookies while wearing a pink frilly apron and oven mitts
- gardens while wearing pink floral gardening gloves, during which he kneels on a pink gardening mat (doesn’t want to get those suits dirty) – mat and gloves were a Mother’s Day gift from Garcia
- wears flannel pajamas that look like a suit (seriously. He just can’t be without those suits.)
- the disciplinarian parent
- irons the kids’ clothes on the plane
Gideon
- real Dad
- walked out on the family. Reid was the only one he told, making the other kids really not pleased with him.
Rossi
- stepdad by arranged marriage. The marriage was arranged by Yente Robot Bitch Queen, a.k.a. Section Chief Erin Strauss.
- started off with absolutely HORRIBLE fashion sense, but now that Hotch dresses him, he looks a lot better
- the kids didn’t like him at first (the expected resentment because he’s replacing Real Dad), but they’re starting to get used to him.
- an emotionally absent parent
Elle
- the oldest sister, she’s off at college, and doesn’t call or write.
- highly independent
- now that she’s out of the foster system, she just doesn’t bother contacting the family anymore
Morgan
- a senior, the captain of the football team. Plays whatever position allows him to tackle people A LOT.
- very popular; has a string of girlfriends who never stick around long.
- the most well-dressed family member
- is totally embarrassed by the fact that his 12-year-old brother is graduating with him, and gets better grades than him too.
- SQUIGGLY EYEBROWS!
- Garcia is his favorite sibling
- shares a room with Reid
- protective of all his siblings, Reid and Garcia most of all, but tries to pretend he isn’t
- is going to college on a football scholarship
Prentiss
- a junior
- the most closed-off of the siblings
- a member of the book club (favorite author: Vonnegut)
- has a small group of friends, but isn’t super popular
- independent
- is a good student, gets all A’s
Garcia
- freshman
- gamer geek – member of the computer club, also hangs out with the theater kids
- gets picked on a little, but can generally take care of it herself, because she’s got the Power of Snark
- will NOT let Mom dress her, no matter how much Mom tries
- shares a room with JJ; her room is the shiny happy side, full of fluffy stuff and glow-in-the-dark things
- keeps a journal with a fuzzy pink cover
- is a decent student – gets mostly A’s and B’s, though she gets the occasional C (which Hotch is NEVER pleased about)
- everyone in school knows who she is
- JJ and Morgan are her best friends
JJ
- 8th grade
- on the soccer team
- the whole family goes to her games – she pretends she’s embarrassed, but secretly she’s pleased
- her side of the room is generally organized – has her soccer trophies and other awards on display (partially because she wants them up, and partially because Hotch is a Proud Mommy)
- an A-B student
- popular. VERY good with people – she’s the nice popular kid, the one that tries to get the snotty popular ones to not pick on people
- plays oboe, but will probably drop band when she gets into high school
- member of the middle school student government
- not really a big reader
Reid
- 12-year-old high school senior, the baby of the family
- wears a lot of the family’s hand-me-down clothes. When he does go shopping, Hotch lets him pick out his own clothes…and then stares in horror. o.O
- wears footie pajamas and sleeps with a teddy bear. It just sits on his pillow, honest!
- his side of the room is covered in piles of books, and he totally flips out if Morgan messes up the book piles
- gets picked on a lot, though Morgan tries to protect him a lot of the time
- has very few friends outside of the family. He has a lot of study buddies, though most of them are actually just using him for his brain.
- was very close to Gideon, though was also one of the first of the kids to accept Rossi
- needs cuddles, but has personal space issues
- visits Diana (his birth!mom, who’s committed because she has schizophrenia) somewhat regularly, though he doesn’t really want to go (but won’t admit it to the family)
- sometimes acts kinda recklessly, because he looks up to Morgan and the parents and wants to be like them.
- in the family, he’s closest to his sisters, especially JJ. They tell him all their secrets, and he lets them braid his hair (at which point Morgan takes pictures and laughs hysterically)
- wears his emotions on his sleeve
- member of the chess club – and rocks at it because Gideon taught him to play
- is probably going to be valedictorian of the senior class, at which point he’ll probably make a very long and rambling speech that will greatly embarrass Morgan
A note here: All the kids (with the possible exception of JJ) have parent issues in canon anyway. Case in point:
Elle's dad died when she was a kid. He was in the military or something.
Morgan's dad died in the line of duty when he was young.
Prentiss has serious Mommy Issues.
Garcia's parents died in a car crash when she was 18.
Reid. Oh, Reid. His mom is schizophrenic. And there are serious Daddy Issues...his real dad walked out on them when he was 10. And then Gideon (read: new!Dad) walked out too.
Kirsten, my dear co-writer and fellow insane person, I believe we need to dialogue on some stuff about this. For example:
If they're in high school, what year does that make this? Like...1982?
What kind of music do they all listen to? Reid definitely listens to jazz (it's canon! In one of the books he was listening to Miles Davis. Which was a little freaky when I was reading it...because I was listening to the same Miles Davis album as he was. Weird.), but what do the rest of them listen to?
I can see some of them reading magazines. This observation was made when I was shelving magazines at work tonight...and I had to wonder, does Hotch read "Better Homes & Gardens"? Or possibly "Ladies' Home Journal"?
And we were kinda close on the whole...ages of the characters thing. Actors' ages:
Elle: 37
Morgan: 38
Prentiss: 39
Garcia: 36
JJ: 30
Reid: 28
So, there's a bit of a gap, and Prentiss is actually older than Morgan and Elle is younger, but in general we guessed pretty well. Ish. We were right about JJ and Reid, anyway. And we knew that Elle and Morgan and Prentiss were close in age. And that Garcia is in the middle.
...The rambling caused by having had only 3 hours of sleep should end now, I think.
Oh! And dialogue on whatever else you can think of.