well then.

May. 19th, 2005 03:50 pm
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weird things today. I dunno what's going on...it confused me because I'm not used to stuff like this...

Paul wrote something really really nice in my autograph book. it surprised me, because I guess I'd expected him to be obnoxious and stuff like he usually is. but he was being serious and really nice.

and Tom said I'm pretty.

I dunno what's going on with all that stuff. surprised me a lot, both things. probably just because it's the end of the year and people are all being really nice to each other because we won't ever see each other again.
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discovered today that when someone says hi to me in the hallway by calling my name in a British accent, it makes me incredibly happy. therefore, Danny is my hero of the day.
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"you need to keep writing, you ARE a poet"

I think that's the best compliment I've gotten recently...and it's kinda weird, because I never really thought I'd write. I've always hated it...and now, I've been up until midnight two nights in a row writing poems...one of which I actually like! there's a miracle, huh?

Serenade For My Darling

yeah, I'm proud of it...go read!

it's funky though, because it didn't end doing what I expected it to when I started it...hard to explain, really. writing late at night makes the things have minds of their own, I guess.

and now, back to writing, I should think. I've got a good start on two poems that I'm trying to finish, and another one that I've only got two lines of so far, plus I've got four awesome titles that I need to put poems to...so back to work I guess.

a poem

Jul. 1st, 2004 09:53 pm
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For the Boys

You were the first one I saw, the summer before my freshman year
In the sweet summer sun, you looked so perfect
Soon I knew, or thought I knew, that you were “the one”
I spent so much time, dreaming, wishing, hoping
But never actually told you
And seeing you again, once, after so much time
Made me wish, so much, that there had been something
So I wrote, and…
At least I told you.

And then there was you
Summer-time friend
I see you once each year, and only for a week
But being with you makes it seem so much more
Laughter, stories, music, cards
Your wry wit, never failing to make me laugh
One more time, and then it’s over, perhaps for forever
I miss you.

Also you
The one I saw at church
Every week, for a time, though now no longer
Sarcasm and teasing, brilliant humour
I would watch you
And for a time, hoped you watched me too
Our mothers swore we’d see each other this summer
And surely we shall
But today I find out, you have a girlfriend
Cruel fate shatters hopes
But I will still be your friend.

Finally, you, the one I saw often
I didn’t know, at first, but then I realized
Your eyes, your slightly upturned nose
The jazz in your soul
Your courage, putting up with more than anyone I have ever met
I admire you from afar
And joke with you when you are near
Shared interests, common friends
Make me think, maybe there is still hope
I can’t tell you, not yet, for I lack the courage
But maybe, one day, I will
I wish I could.
And so, I wait for you.

And besides all these, there is one I never considered
Friend, neighbour
The one that seems to care for me
You treat me the way none have ever treated me before
You hold me, comfort me when I am sad
Somehow, get me to talk about almost anything
And yet, I feel nothing
Except guilt, because it seems there should be something there
Still we remain friends, and yet…
I’m sorry.

this poem was rattling around in my head today, and I just needed to get it out and written down. obviously, it's about the boys in my life...yes, I think of them as boys, even the one that is 2 years older than me. each stanza is for one of them, and if you know me pretty well, they really aren't too hard to figure out.

this is the first time I've written a poem voluntarily, so I'm sure it's pretty much crap...comments would be nice, tell me what you think...
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so last night, a boy called for my sister...yeah. I laughed, at first, until I realized...

boys never call me. they call about school projects, but that's about it.

pah. I quit, I really do.


Jun. 23rd, 2004 10:21 am
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so if there were a list of really weird situations you could end up in, I think I've discovered one that would be near the top of the list...

somehow ending up having a conversation about your so-called love life with your little brother's best friend.

yeah. weirdness.
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it's crazy how you can have such strong feelings for someone for a long time, but then the person goes away for a year and you think you're over them. but when they come back and you hang out with them for just a few hours, everything you once felt comes rushing back in that first instant you see them.

and now, I find myself wondering how I could have ever thought I was over him. because everything came back in those few precious hours...all the feelings, all the memories, all the great times. and it's horrible, not knowing when I'm ever going to see him again.

another thing I've been thinking about lately...

it's crazy how you can become friends with someone so quickly, have a great time with them for a few hours...and then when you leave, you realize you're probably never going to see them again.

I'm just wondering what the point was of even trying to be friends, since probably nothing is ever going to come of it.

can't stop

Jun. 6th, 2004 08:57 pm
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it's been several days, but I still can't stop thinking about...him...I think it was seeing him for the first time since like December that brought all those old feelings back. except that it was easier this time, talking to him without feeling like an idiot. Mum said a while ago, "the age difference seems less as you get older," and I think she was right. I just don't think that I can go another year without hearing from him, like I had to do this year.

I'm feeling really melancholy right now, but the silly thing is, I could still die happy. my biggest dream since freshman year has come true...

random other silly thing...when I was talking to Mum about how much fun Heather's party was, I had mentioned how Jaron kept randomly hugging me and pulling my hair and stuff and Mum was like, "sounds like there was a little flirting going on there." yeah, that made me laugh...I had to tell her, "um, no, that's just what drama kids do."
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dude...yesterday was sweet! senior farewell was 6th hour, and I managed to get through it without crying. I almost lost it when Kelsey was singing "Bittersweet," but I managed to not start bawling. go me. too bad they didn't have the slide show running, though. it was defective, apparently.

then last night I went to 2 open houses, and that's when the fun really started.

First I went to Tricia's open house, which was pretty cool. I got to hang out with a bunch of band kids and some kids from my calc class, so that was kinda nifty. definitely spent so much time laughing that my face hurt...

after spending about an hour and a half there, I went over to Heather Gaden's open house. wow, it was grand. when I first got there, there were only about 10 people there, so we played frisbee for a while. then Gaby, Jenny, and Heather H decided to go steal Rich's car, so Rich, me, Amanda, and Spencer all hopped into Spencer's car to follow them. that was...mildly crazy...I definitely don't want to be caught in that again.

then we all just went back and hung out for a while...we moved to the basement when it started to get cold, we went inside, and that's when the party really started. I dunno, we just hung out for a while not really doing much but talking, but that was pretty fun. Jaron kept randomly hugging me because I was wearing my "I'm a fermata, hold me" shirt...that was pretty funny. besides the fact that it was great to be hanging out with people that actually understand the fermata thing...

Jaron is one cool kid. random observation. it's funny, I knew him when I was a freshman but never really talked to him, and then yesterday we were talking a lot...he didn't actually remember me from quiz bowl, but that doesn't really matter anyway.

anywho, back to the party...there was a lot of random singing involved (I was actually singing, isn't it a miracle?) because there were so many choir kids. I think I was the only non-drama kid there most of the time, oddly enough.

but the most fun part of the entire evening was when we brought out the swing music (oh, I'm so glad I carry so many cd's in my car!). the revelation of the evening is: Matt Rossman knows how to swing dance! he's seriously the first guy I've ever met that knows how...so yeah. we danced, and it was crazy fun. he taught me some new stuff too, since I didn't really know any of the fancy stuff. we also managed to teach half a dozen other people to swing dance too. it was überfun.

that is seriously the most I have ever danced in public...but it was so much fun!

yeah. then we listened to a bit of ska (and danced to that), then I had to go home...Heather G. didn't want me to take my music away. I told her she needs to come over this summer and we can have a cd-burning party.

I was so incredibly energetic after that...when I got home, I stayed up until like midnight talking to Mum about the party, and it took me a while to fall asleep because I was so hyper.

and yeah, I woke up at 7 this morning, spent half an hour lying in bed, and then gave up trying to fall back asleep, because I'm still so energetic.

so it's the consensus of Jaron, Matt, and Randy that I remind them of Teresa Zbiciak...which is the nicest thing anybody's ever said to me, because Teresa is one of my all-time heroes.

yesterday was definitely one of the best days of my life. I seriously can't remember the last time I had so much fun in one day.
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so my brother's confirmation was this evening...I swear I've never had to sit through a longer mass in my life. ah well, sitting across from the choir helps, really. Ian is my comic relief...kept me from being completely bored out of my wits. like when a baby started crying in the back of the church, he looked over at me and mouthed "what'd you do?" like it was my fault or something. that kid makes me smile.

apparently Loren's government class thinks I'm a prude...which is kinda funny but kinda depressing at the same time. I'll post the convo later if I remember, it's on the other computer.

it's way too warm in this house.


May. 9th, 2004 09:17 am
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well musicathon was...decent...I didn't mess up my solos, which is always a plus. only like the second or third time that I didn't miss the G in the stupid Chaconne solo. and I'm amazed by the fact that I hit the A in LotR almost every single time. that is an evil wicked note.

Barkman's party was super fun. There were only like 10 people there besides his family. I basically sat there for 3 hours watching people play Halo, but hey, it's all good. my brother played for the first time and it was really funny, because he was pretty hopeless. but I know that I'd be even worse if I tried...can't keep track of so many buttons!

random observation: it's kinda freaky how you can tell that Matt Sturigs has been friends with Josh for a very long time. at the party there were a couple of times where he said something that sounded exactly like something Josh would say. and he uses Josh's inflections sometimes too. I guess that they've known each other for so long that they have the same thought processes or something. it was really quite scary.

well, I went and had my fun, and now I have to pay for it...English paper to write that's due tomorrow that I've only got one paragraph written of.
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taking a 4 hour math test makes me really hate numbers.

I feel severely inchoerent right now, but I guess that's okay because nobody's around to talk to me...they're all at that awards ceremony thing I guess.

and I'm here at home because I was far too tired to get off my butt and haul myself back to school for the dumb ceremony.

I almost didn't even go back to school after the AP test...but decided that maybe I shouldn't miss band class because that would be bad. and besides, I had to go to jazz band rehearsal.

speaking of which...

*pokes Josh with a chopstick*
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kiniskichick2238: (wow, look at me sitting here trying to boost your courage when I'm too much of a loser to find myself a date...god I'm such a hypocrite sometimes...)

the story of my life. it's so funny sometimes though, because my friends occasionally come to me for advice, and it's usually advice about boys...and I'm like "why the heck are you coming to me? I have less experience with boys than any of you!" it's silly. besides the fact that I'm crap at giving advice.

I can't believe prom is in less than 2 weeks...I'm so not ready. I have no idea what I'm doing with my hair, no clue where I'm going before prom and with whom, I still need to see if I can find some shoes (anybody wear size 9 or 10 that has a pair of silver shoes I could borrow? lol)...

and of course I'm still a dateless loser. but that's no surprise.

AP tests are evil. by the time I was halfway through the stupid thing, I think that if my brain had started dribbling out my ears I would've just been like "oh look, brains, how interesting" and continued on with the test. that's how out of it I felt.
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wow it was even cooler tonight. especially all the cardinals and stuff. closing night antics are the best.

especially the cardinal in the booze and Kelsey's empathy belly.

and of course Steve's ad-lib. that totally made me laugh.

I saw a few more college kids today, though I didn't get a chance to say hi. Zac and Megan, the Stevens twins (Phil's hair is kinda poofy and a wee bit blond now), Mike Schuplin, Jeff Woolston (I almost didn't recognize him cuz he cut his curls off again and had his hair all combed nice and was dressed all nice and it just kinda confused me...the glasses didn't help either), and Jake McCarthy were all there.

Och aye

Apr. 29th, 2004 05:40 pm
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teehee. boys wearing kilts. too bad there were no cute boys wearing kilts. because that would've been just too cool.

wisdom teeth pulled out = May 27

not looking forward to that at all. though it might get me out of the Memorial Day parade.

I get to fail 2 quizzes tomorrow. go me.

I'm feeling super detached from everything right now. can ya tell?

people need to do my survey! only 4 people have filled it out. and I know there's more people that need to do it because I filled theirs out. *cough*Roger*cough*Josh*cough*

Which magickal horse are you? by foxlingdreaming
Pick a color
Your totem
You are:
Your age:461
You are best known for:Your loving heart and nurturing instincts
Your magickal ability is:Storm calling
Your fate:You will live forever and become the wisest of all creatures
Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!
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heehee Josh hit himself in the face with his mouthpiece today at rehearsal...it was kinda comical
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I am now the proud owner of a stuffed Killer Rabbit...it's the coolest thing I've ever seen in my entire life.

so of course I had to take it to church and taunt Ian with it...which worked pretty well until Joey decided to try to steal it. then people stole it back and forth until I finally got it back...and resumed taunting people. it was grand.

I desperately need to find a prom dress. and a date.
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OMG "Mousetrap" was so übercool! I'm not gonna tell ya who did it, you'll have to just go see it for yourself sometime. but it was very nifty.

and I loved how the policeman was so obviously from Liverpool. I can't usually tell what part of Britain most accents are from, but Liverpool is so obvious.

aie. so much church in such a short amount of time. my brother and dad are going to church tonight for Easter vigil (Dad's playing in the choir and Eric is serving) and then we're going to 2 masses tomorrow (at 10 because Eric and Dad are playing, and at noon because mum and Rachel are singing and Eric is playing).

and we went to church on Thursday too (for Holy Thursday mass because it's a holy day of obligation (and yet I can only recall having gone to 2 Holy Thursday masses ever) and because Mum was singing and Eric was playing).

it was kinda funny on Thursday though...after mass I was helping the choir move music stands and chairs and stuff as usual, then we ended up standing in the choir room and talking to Ian's family for like 15 minutes like we always do. and Ian and I were poking my sister with sticks, lol...because he'd been poking her just to be irritating, and I was like "no, it's so much more fun this way" and I pulled one of the chopsticks out of my hair and started poking Rachel with it. Ian stood there contemplating for a minute, then grabbed the other chopstick from my hair and started poking Rachel. it was insanely funny.

that kid makes me laugh. he's so...quirky.

so mass tomorrow will be my last human contact for a week...unless Loren comes over to play DDR. I never get to see people when I'm on vacation. I need to remedy that.
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If I could
You know I would
And I probably should
Since the first day that I met you
Wanted to speak my mind, at least, you know I meant to.
Good intentions, getting me nowhere
Somehow got to find my way to tell you now.....

You don't know how much you mean to me
And my life can't be the same
But my hesitancy stands ten stories tall
I've got to find a way, to tell you now....
Someday....Right Now....Someday....

No use fighting, what I'm thinking
Sometimes saying nothing's, worse that lying
Gotta swallow my reservations
Now's the time to spit out every word I say.....
Someday....Right Now....

The first time I heard this song, it totally spoke to me like songs hardly ever do. it's how I always feel, and it's like there's nothing I can do about it. so this song is dedicated to one of the guys I like...the one that goes to our school...

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